I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
