my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
