All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
