Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
