Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize