I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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