so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize