Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm at about main and main street
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
