I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
