My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize