This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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