Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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