so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
