We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
