Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
