Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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