He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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