why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
