the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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