It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
