I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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