I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
