I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
