i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
