Where did you get a picture of my penis
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
