Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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