this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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