spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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