I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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