You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
