no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
