omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
