hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
