Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
