NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
