I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
