She announced her abortion via fbk
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
