He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
