i just had sex bonerless
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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