i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
