so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
