If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
