i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
