Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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