Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
