im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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