i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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