you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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