Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
