Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
