I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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