why do cheetos always look like penises
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
