Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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