I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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