I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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