theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
