i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
should my penis look like a turkey
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
