Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
