dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize