Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
