It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I see more hoeing in ur future
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