feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
