hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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