The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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