You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
