I'm gonna have a badass scar
True but thats because hes a fetus.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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