Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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