that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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