Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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