Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize